Being a Giver.

I am slowly but surely learning to do the things that make me feel good- not just some of the time, but most of the time, with the long term goal being allllll the time. Penny Livingston calls it Sustainable Hedonism- I'm totally into it. I spend most of my time giving to every one around me, cleaning up others messes, mediating their issues, and so forth, not just at home, but at work, and with my friends as well. And yet, very few people ever stop and just take care of me for a little while, and those that do, it literally makes me giddy like a little girl -to be fed, rubbed, considered, cared for the way I care for all of those around me.

I was able to spend time this weekend with one of my friends who is, at least with me, but I suspect all the time,  a giver, like I am. To be nourished, cared for, refilled, relaxed, and completely unwind. And goddamn. I don't do that often enough. Granted friday night I danced all of my tension away till I was jello and my toenails were bruised. heh. But still. 

I seriously need to start eliminating the drains on my energy field, and spend more time with those who refill and recharge me. Even if that means I spend every weekend away from the house. The ongoing leaking of energy is leaving me in a state of constant exhaustion and low level depression. And it's gotta stop. I keep thinking that hiding in my room will do the trick, but it looks like actually, getting away from here altogether seems to be the best remedy. So I'm committing to making choices that are refilling and recharging for me, and to continue in the quest for another place to live, and in the meantime, to spend time with those who nurture and nourish me, in a give and take, rather than those who are constantly just receiving from me.