Friday, December 31, 2010

New Beginnings

As this year draws to a close, and the new year is glimmering just over the horizon, I find myself contemplating, both the past and the future. This past year has been full of challenges, hardships, intense self reflection, revelations, and the realization that I need to make some major changes in my life to be truly happy. I have been working on myself in a big way, ever since I realized I was pregnant, but especially this last year. No longer content with just surviving, it became of the utmost importance to thrive and evolve, to find my right path, and to follow my soul's urging.
I returned to school, when Marisol was sixteen months old, first online, then on campus, struggling through a first year separated from my daughter, she in toddler school at the child development program at the JC, and then at my (then) sister-in law's two days a week. My patience and fortitude tested at the end of each excruciatingly long day, picking up my daughter, coming home to make dinner, while she cried at my feet, wanting only to be picked up and cuddled after too many hours away from Momma. Then two rear end car accidents in eight months, injuring my back, adding to my challenges. This last spring I graduated with an AS in Sustainable Agriculture, and an AA in Social and Behavioral Science. I have continued to go to school at the JC, also attending a permaculture course at Regenerative Design Institute, (an amazing place to learn, I highly recommend any/all of their courses- I want to take all of them) and am two months away from getting my permaculture design certificate.
Permaculture sings to my soul, and my heart and soul sing in duet, responding in a way that leaves me no doubt, that this is my right path. I feel compelled to follow wherever this leads, and to devote myself to permaculture, to learning more, always learning, to practicing, teaching, working the methods. The connections I have made through permaculture have been amazing, life changing, transformational. This then, leads to my new year resolution.
In the upcoming year I will give myself to Permaculture, to manifesting whatever that looks like in my life. I will become self sustainable, self supporting, for myself, my daughter, and the animals that share our lives-both financially, and in the ways I choose to live my life, taking it to the next level. I will expand my farming skills, my domestic skills, and will find a place that I can afford to live, and farm. I will save money, and take the necessary steps to buy my own farm land. I will laugh more. I will be happy, which means that I resolve to take the steps necessary to make myself happy, to nurture and love myself. I will only participate in relationships that are fulfilling, healthy, nurturing, loving. I will love my daughter, and nurture her, and keep her safe. I will be open to the universe, and how she manifests.
One of the constants in my life has been transformation, change. My astrological sign, Scorpio, and I am year of the Snake, both signs of transformation. A wise woman said to me this year that she felt the reason I have faced so much negativity, adversity in my life, is that my personal challenge is to transform that energy into good. What a challenge! This year I will not be so afraid of the process of transformation, I will give myself to it, and know that this is my challenge. I am ready.
I am looking forward to a year of new growth, new challenges, new relationships as my network expands. I am looking forward to laughter, happiness, love. I am excited, giddy almost, as well as frightened, to see how this unfolds. I am looking forward, most of all, to see how permaculture manifests itself through me, and cannot wait to see where it takes me. I know I am on my right path, and I will not be afraid to follow my dreams. I cannot wait to see where this year takes me!

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