Wednesday, January 4, 2012


One year ago, I was curled up on the couch in a ball of tears, and misery. Completely incapacitated by my unhappiness, by fear, by anxiety, and by the full blown panic attacks that I was experiencing at the thought of leaving my husband, to strike out on my own with our young daughter, but knowing, at my core, that leaving him was the only choice. In my gut, I knew that I would never be able to achieve my dreams and goals if I continued to try to carry him. That I needed to let him go, and set myself free to grow, to blossom, to farm.

I had the support of many friends, both physical, and virtual, Sarah, in particular, was my rock, my cheerleader, my voice of reason. She called and checked in with me every day to make sure I was handlng life, to offer support, to listen to my panicked tears, to offer feedback, and wisdom, acting as the gut-check I had drowned out.

Six months prior, fox began making her presence known in my life, and barn owl too. Both making prominent daily appearances, in ways that I couldn't ignore. I started paying attention to when they appeared, what was going on inside me, and what messages they might be trying to convey. Around this time, I met Pixie, through a friend's blog, and instantly fell in love, knew I had to have more of this woman, this presence, in my life. She, and her SouLodge group/class, has been instrumental in helping me release all of the unneccesary baggage I have been dragging around behind me for years, things that served me once, but no longer. In its stead, I reclaim my power, my intuition, my happiness, freedom.

Today, I live and work on a farm in Windsor, Takenoko Farms. I have the Nigerian Dwarf goats I have wanted as long as I can remember, along with ducks, chickens, turkeys, and there are pigs and geese on the property too! I still work at Tierra Vegetables, and love what I do, and I also "guest" work on other farms. I just finished a ten day stint at Felton Acres, a sustainable, pasture raised meat, egg, and goat dairy farm in Sebastopol. What an experience! I learn so much at every farm I work at, it is simply amazing. Working with animals makes me so incredibly happy, something I have known my entire life.

I am in better shape now, than I have ever been. I am doing what I love, and surround myself with people who love and support me, and what I do. I never imagined, a year ago, that I could possibly be as happy, as whole, as well rounded as I feel today. It has not been without it's struggles, indeed, the year has been challenging, to say the least- but rewarding beyond belief. The ultimate lesson from the universe, "leap, and the net will appear." Change can be so difficult, when you are up in it, when you resist. But, Oh! The beautiful things that can happen when we allow change to work it's magic in our lives. I am happy, and I am incredibly grateful for the life I have today, and to everyone in it, who make this life of mine so beautiful, thank you.

I am falling asleep in front of the computer again, so I am off!


  1. What a beautiful and brave post, inspiring - a reflection of the amazing young woman you are. Bravo!

  2. Love your have a beautiful voice...I am inspired by what you write so keep it coming!

  3. Just came across this. Maybe it's late, or I've had too many cups of winter tea with ginger snaps and I know my gut will not be happy later with me, but your post had me in full force tears. Like the snot and mascara down to my chin kind of sobs. I don't share similar experiences that you described, but I had my own transition from unrealized dreams, meeting fox in particular, and falling in love Pixie's words and art. I love the fullness you express now. Maybe that's what got my PMS self to bawl, which seems to happen on demand these days. Winter is kicking my butt. :)

    blessed to have read your story.
    glad to know you, even if it's a virtual greeting.
    and so stinking grateful to be able to call you a soulodge sister.

    xo, laura emily

  4. Thank you ladies. I just checked in to the blog to find your loving and inspiring comments... tearing up in gratitude.