Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Leaving the Matrix.

Hello Loves,

Just a short announcement to let you all know that I adore you, and I so want to join your, what have you, or attend your soiree, life changing class, or hang out, or grab a cuppa or.... I do. I really do. And, due to the nature of my long hours at work, and being a full time single mom, with a child in tow, and limited income, PLUS, 5 nights a week are school nights, and when I do keep her out, I pay the next day- it is highly unlikely I will make it. This has been my life for the last oh, I don't know, too long. And let me tell you, I'm pretty tired of watching my life pass me by, of hearing the soul calling to do something, and not being able to because of needing to go to work.

So. I'm retiring from my job. I love them, and always will. But I need to devote some serious time to loving myself, and healing myself from the trauma I have inflicted on myself these past 6 years or so. Overwork and exhaustion (working full time, and live-working in all my "free" time- all hard physical labor with a young child) coupled with constant stress, and survival issues have led to me finally admitting that I am burnt out. I can't do it any more. I literally just have nothing else to offer. I am finishing out the year, and then I am retiring from farming. I gave it a good shot. Our food system is so jacked. There is no money in farming. The only way it works is if you are farming your parent's land, land you inherited or own outright, and are somehow otherwise supported. Well. I am none of these things. And until I am, I give up. I cannot support myself and my girl on the wages for farming, and I have no energy left over for us.

I'm going to be a full time mom, I am going to explore the world with my daughter and show her all the things I have always wanted to show her, but haven't had time or energy, I am going to learn with her. A full time wild woman, creatrice.  I'll be working on my writing, and Mari and I have some plans to open an Etsy shop. I'd really like to get a website up and running, and am putting the call out to the wild woman or man who can help me with that. I am going to do all the things, and hang out with you loves, and learn to belly dance, and fire dance, and go to the buckeye gathering with my kid, and finally, finally live the life I have always craved. I am creating my own reality the way I have always wanted it to be, and just have a deep faith that the universe is going to support me in this. I can't wait to see you all in the new year.



  1. Ive been there. I don’t know easy but I know where you are and been. I can tell ya your doing the right thing. No excuses. You don’t need to have any. I dunno how many times I’ve over filled my plate when I was 24-7 single mom. ;) And I didn’t hang around anyone who had kids….anyways you get more time for you to when she gets older. Then you’ll wish you had her 24-7 again as an adult like my mom does ha! :) lots of mother love….

  2. Sending you love, strength, healing and any help you could ever need. I know your frustration and you have to follow your heart and dreams. <3 <3 <3

  3. Full support to you diving into your passions for healing and living your life fully and authentically --maybe consider that there's still space for your to grow some of your own food and engage with the earth medicine in that way; zone 1 permie gardening is a totally different ballpark of farming than industrial ag. More intimate, manageable hours of soul devotion rather than energy draining suck.

    And I can show you some basic staff fire spinning moves next time we hang out! Blissings to you unfolding one!!!

  4. <3 I'm not even sure people who farm their parents land and have an off farm job can make it, to be honest. At least not if they have a kid or other interests in life (like, you know, even having enough time to cook and enjoy the food we grow). We are having a similar realization. Tired of working our asses off, insanely long hours and back breaking labor, for no money. I quit my job at the paper a couple months ago for similar reasons -- doing more than I should for not enough money -- and so that's kind of put some pressure on the whole farming thing. Now we're trying to figure out how to shift the matrix in our favor, or shift out. Must be an October thing ;) Good luck!

    1. Oh!! Lynda!! That makes me really sad. Shift baby, shift!! <3