Sometimes it serves us to know our limits. I have a tendency to do so much, to give so much of myself away, not stopping to refill, refuel, or care for myself the way I need to, until something has to give. Three weeks ago I got sick, and am still carrying the vestiges of that illness. And still I pushed myself. On Saturday, in exhaustion and stress, I snapped at my mother. In front of her entire family. And again, yesterday evening. A clear indication that I need to step back, and change something. I have been stressing on the upcoming move, and not knowing yet where I am going.
Yesterday I woke up with a lump in the left side of my neck, causing a radiating headache, and sciatic nerve pain in my right hip and leg. Still. I pushed myself. Unloading a one ton feed sack from the back of the truck with a bucket. Which, by the way, is an excellent core work out. I could feel my abs and arms burning as I did it. At nine o clock last night I ate my first real meal for the day. Because Hannah brought me food, otherwise it might not have happened.
This morning I can't move my neck. And the pain in my hip is making it hard to move. I dropped Marisol off for school in my pajamas, which today, are oversized Barney purple scrub pants, and a Lobo Rugby 2004 league champions shirt. Which brought me flash backs of my mom dropping us off for school in her pajamas, her hair all curly and going all directions, just as mine was this morning.
So this morning I do laundry. This afternoon I escape to my dad's house- my Sanctuary. The place where I am Seen. And Loved, with no Judgement. My Heart/Soul sister Giselle will work on my hurts, I will be fed, and nourished, and nurtured, and relaxed. The calming temple-like atmosphere, always full of beautiful music will feed my soul, and the hottub will iron out the aches. I will fill my baskets, and will be better for it.
As women, nurturers, we so often forget to take the time to nurture and care for ourselves. But if we don't then we start to come apart at the seems. It isn't possible to help others if we are running on empty, or worse, on a deficit. So I stop. I take time to fill up. To be loved. So I can continue on.
What are you doing to nurture yourself today?