Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Limping along

Man. This once a day thing is difficult for me. Limping along here, debating between throwing in the towel completely, as I've missed so many days/ "am so behind" or just carrying on, as best I can, from here. It's the typical debate I have with myself about anything academic and/or creative. I "fall behind" enough, and decide it's hopeless, I'll never catch up and be able to produce the caliber of work I expect from myself, and drop out altogether. It's also why I frequently don't start projects. Deadlines. Perfectionism. Not measuring up to my own expectations and visions.

So I drop out. I run away. And I stuff my creative ideas into messy drawers overflowing with ideas, possibilities, squares of gorgeous fabric, rough gemstone beads, feathers, and the promise of some day.
That Some day I will have space to work on these things. Some day I will have time. And hopefully, some day, I will have the patience with myself to allow myself to unfurl creatively with no fucking dead lines, no expectations. No guilt trips. No anxiety. Because frankly? I have enough shit on my plate without adding to it something that should be pleasurable, but becomes bitter due to my own inability to stop pressuring myself. So here we are. Day, whatever the fuck this one is standing in for. Whee!! Twelve, look at that, we've made it to 12!!

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