Friday, August 2, 2013

Avoidance Strategies.

So I skipped a few days. I get to do that sometimes. I'll make it up in the end. I've had some intense interplanetary stuff going on and was processing some very dark shadow stuff, only part of which was mine, in addition to the whole, working single mom bit. I've been writing in my head, non stop, but it didn't somehow, transfer onto the page. I will master that skill yet.

So. Here we are. I really don't want to talk about this next bit. I'm alllllll squirmy uncomfortable. I'd rather get naked and go grocery shopping. Which, if you know me, is saying a tremendous bit, since I absolutely despise grocery shopping. I have like a 10 minute in the store limit. Anything that doesn't make it, has to hold off till I gird up my big girl panties and ride in for another attempt. See what I'm doing here? It's called avoidance. I could do this all night.

As an Edgewalker, I frequently find myself in territory that is not explored by most other people. And by frequently, I mean, mostly. My job in this lifetime is to transmute the darkness into light, the negative into positive. I have known this, forever, and I do this in a variety of ways. None of which I am going to go into here. I am extremely energetically sensitive, which is why my home life, and the people I surround myself with on a daily basis are so important. We'll just use my current living situation as an example.... There's a lot of sick shit going on here. And I feel all of it. All the unspoken shit, the shadow, the energetics, the lies, the energetic portals that have been opened here because of the interpersonal stuff, and the very angry spirits. My problem is learning how to transmute this, while not letting it take it's toll on me. That part I am still learning. What has happened here, is that I am unable to sleep much, and feel exhausted all of the time, and totally ungrounded.

They have started calling me "the Crazy Whisperer" As in, when the girl who lives here loses her shit and is screaming hysterically in the driveway, I get texts and messages to ET phone home, and the moment she hears my voice, she calms down.  It's not rocket science. I validate her feelings, I tell her how much I care about her and her feelings, I ask her to breathe, and try to hold it together until I can get home, and that I need to know she is safe while I am at work, but that isn't possible if she is screaming in the driveway. Often I cry. And I get super vulnerable. And it works, you know why? Because "Crazy" is what we in this society have started calling people who can't deal with the way things are. The status quo, the current program, and eventually, they lose their shit. It's the preferred way to marginalize the person who is acting out the symptoms of the illness.... which is all of ours. Society wide. We are Sick. Some more than others. Losing her shit, is how she feels heard. Because she is told that she is imagining stuff, that she is making shit up, that she is lying, that it's all in her head, she is isolated, and has control and manipulation games played with her every day. And that shit wears on a person. It makes them fucking crazy. Granted, there is far more to this little scenario than I am painting here, but what's important is the reason why hearing my voice works. It's because I love her, especially when she is "crazy" because that is when she needs it the most. And I HEAR her, I validate her, and I love her some more. I don't get big. Big and loud and aggressive is scary to wild things, I get really small, my voice gets really low, and really quiet, and I offer out a hand, and I let her come to me, because she wants in my arms where it is safe, and reassuring. It's the same method I use with terrified animals. Utter compassion, love, and vulnerability, works "miracles" every time.

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